Feeling fresh after returning from Reset Week in Costa Rica, I had the opportunity to lead some incredible people on a journey back to their hearts.
In Pavones, we go completely off the grid, are immersed in nature, eat healthy delicious food, do daily yoga and meditation and gain clarity on some of life’s issues.
A conversation I had with a few of the participants started with; “I am looking for my other half.”
Stop right there, I said. “If you are looking for someone to complete you, you must stop right there. There is absolutely no one that can complete you except yourself. The work is to complete yourself first and then find someone else who is whole too. That is what makes a healthy relationship.”
Neuroscience agrees; research shows that intense romantic love and sexual attraction activates the portion of the brain that releases dopamine and creates pleasure, but only longer-term love causes the release of oxytocin which creates emotional bonding and holds inherent value in the brain.
If long-lasting love is what you are looking for, I promise it is out there for you.
You just have to learn how to complete yourself first.
If you are ready for love, want to attract in a conscious partner, own your singleness and love yourself join my Love and Relationship program starting March 4th. Earlybird ends Feb 26th and spots are limited!
As I sit here this morning in Costa Rica, writing this to you, I hear the birds chirping, the waves crashing and have the view of a beautiful lush jungle.
Every year I come back to this magical place and it gets me into a quiet little lull. It is a time to give to all the wonderful people who are attending this retreat and it is also a time to receive from Mother Nature’s bounty.
It’s uncanny what happens when you slow down and listen. When you quiet the noise in your head and start to listen to your heart. When you are unencumbered by to-do lists or comparisons or all the ‘shoulds’ life has you thinking are important. There is a sense of being alive that only stillness can encompass and it is absolutely wonderful.
Depending on where you are at on your personal growth journey - stillness can leave you feeling uncomfortable, anxious or even burdensome. That’s okay too. It just means that you are in a season of processing and you have some work to do.
Wherever you are at in your heart, know that if the results you are seeking are not the results you are getting, you can always choose again. If it is love you are seeking, be as lovable as you can to everyone you meet. If it is abundance you are seeking, help those around you find abundance. The more you embody what you want, the more it will flow to you naturally.
Oh and the hardest part? TRUST THE PROCESS. Years ago when I started on my wellness journey, I dreamed of hosting retreats for people wanting to make an impact on the world, better themselves and those around them and for it to feel fun and easy. Today, after many years of trying and I can say I have achieved this.
So, with that, I am sending you love from my porch with encouragement to keep trying, keep trusting and never give up.
I know you are like me and plan to do 1 million things every single day. And then when you only get half of those things done, you feel like somehow you failed. Am I right?
I get it. You have a busy life and a lot of to-dos but it often feel like you are spinning in circles. Questions pop up like, am I doing the right thing? Is this what I should be focusing on? Will I get a lot out of this?
When you are going really fast and consistently multi-tasking it is hard to find clarity.
But, by honing your focus to one thing at a time, this will allow you to be more productive and get more done throughout your day. Having 10 tabs open in your mind is similar to having 10 tabs open on your computer - too many at a time can get confusing, overwhelming and slow down the processing.
By practicing mindfulness at work, you will have an easier time executing your tasks and enjoy the process.
A mindfulness tool that can be very helpful before an important meeting and can be done in your head or out loud with your team/kids/coworkers.
Find a comfortable seat:
Repeat anytime throughout the day you feel as though you need to get focused.
So we are well into the month of January - and your intentions for the new year may seem like a distant memory.
Or you may be doing Dry January and feeling GREAT - wondering how long you can go without alcohol in your system.
Or like me, you maybe taking the whole month to reflect on what you want to create for the year, listening and pausing and acting from a place of stillness as opposed to being rushed to have it all figured out.
As I think about the new year and the direction I want to take, I am not only reflecting on moving forward but also looking at how far I have come. This is a practice I coach my clients on regularly; call it reflection, gratitude or something else, it is the ability to celebrate your wins, recognize your strengths and move forward from a place of power.
In 2020, my business is slightly changing it’s focus as I start to incorporate more leadership development work and working directly with companies, offering leadership training, exec coaching and corporate offsites.
Don’t worry, I will still be offering the same personal insights, mindfulness tips and life coaching but I will also be touching on how powerful these tools can be when applied to business.
It’s a funny process to build your vision and I am certainly not immune to the rollercoaster ride that plagues many entrepreneurs. Practically to prepare for this addition, I completed a 9 month training program through SIYLI - the leadership development program that started at Google, and have started reaching out to my network to see who can benefit from these services. Emotionally, the shift was not linear, as it never is. It has been through my own personal work of believing that I could do it that is making this vision come to life.
I had to look inward to ignore the deeply ingrained story I tell myself that I am not enough. I know you can relate.
But the truth is, I AM ENOUGH. I am smart enough, good enough, innovative enough, powerful enough and have a TON to offer.
So as Bill Campbell, dubbed the Trillion Dollar Coach says, “The top priority of any manager is the well-being and success of her people”, I know what he means. Because I am in the people business, whether that is working one on one with person, leading a team or dealing with my own inner critic, and there is always work to be done.
Manifesting takes time.
I have had a lot of you ask me about manifesting lately. Maybe because it is January of the new year and you want to create a SHIFT. Attract new things into your life and take bold action.
The online definition of manifesting is: display or show (a quality or feeling) by one's acts or appearance; demonstrate.
Broken down, to me, this means you have to get clear on what you want to attract and then embody the feeling, the knowing that it is possible.
What do I mean by this? Well I can share a story through my lens about the power of manifesting.
My whole life I wanted to live in LA. I used to come visit as a little girl, because both of my dad’s brothers lived here. I started by coming out with my parents and as soon as I was old enough, I would come out by myself or with friends. I remember on my first trip to LA alone at 16 years, I bought a candle on Venice beach and thought to myself, one day I am going to live here.
Cut to 15 years later, I am living in Toronto, rooted in my work and community, newly purchased a condo, building a business and content with my life. The whispers of California were still there but I didn’t really know how I could act on them. All the doubt came up; am I too old, how will I make friends, how will I get a proper visa to work and on and on and on. For the full story check out here.
Spoiler alert; I ended up taking the plunge even though rationally it did not make sense. It wasn’t easy and it didn’t happen in the timeline that I originally thought but the vision I held of myself since I was a little girl came true. I have never been happier and I am so grateful for the life that I intentionally created for myself.
Morale of the story. Get clear on what you want. Don’t be afraid to fail. Let go of your timelines. Take bold action.
So, what’s something you are currently manifesting?
As we embark on this new year (and new decade), it feels like anything is possible, am I right?
But why is that? Why do we need a media push in order to believe that we are capable of reaching our highest potential? Why do we need the world, society or other people outside of ourselves to remind us of our power?
Complacency is real and I do understand the value of segmenting time into 365 days however the idea that we have to do better, feel better and act better on January 1st is something that I believe sets you up for failure.
What if you took an alternate approach?
What if you looked at goal setting not as a destination but rather as a vehicle for something greater, like happiness, fulfillment and inner peace.
Something I advise my clients on regularly as the #1 productivity hack is breaking things down. This means removing obstacles in order to see clearly rather than adding to your already full plate.
Instead of trying to losing 10 lbs, change jobs, start your side hustle, move AND learn a new language I suggest breaking your year down into quarters and asking yourself what you can realistically achieve by the end of Q1. It could be small progress in each category or a big move in one, breaking it down will make it feel less overwhelming and more actionable.
Studies show that when we commit to less we actually end up doing more because we come from the perspective that we are enough rather than not good enough.
So, where can you do less to achieve more this year?
I am committed to doing the same - although you have been used to seeing weekly content from me for a while, we are thinking about slowing things down in order to provide you more quality content less frequently. We are still working out the details so stay tuned!
Energy is something that I have been thinking a lot about lately. I think that our ENERGY is a language that we all understand we just can not put into words.
You know that feeling when you walk into a room with someone and just get a bad vibe?
Or when you meet someone for the first time but feel like you have known them forever?
Even places have energy; a spa can be calm and soothing while a nightclub can be exciting and energetic.
Energy can change as well; an experience, person or place can give us energy or can drain our energy.
I recently had a reading with Vanessa, an amazing intuitive and energy worker and she told me that my personal energy feels most aligned when I am in the flow, don't force things and allow things to come to me. Those of you who know (both personally and through my social platforms) know this is ABSOLUTELY true.
So - I have committed to being in this energy more. When I start to worry about timing, force things or go down a negative spiral, I remind myself of one of my favorite mantras 'What if it were easy"... Not always the easiest thing to do but a practice I am continually honing.
So, when do you feel most aligned? What is your personal energy saying?
As we go into this holiday season, start listening.
Here are some journaling prompts to ask yourself:
- What type of energy do you emit when you are feeling your best?
- What does it look like, smell like, feel like?
- If it had a name, what would it be called?
Let’s be real, at one point we’ve all made a messy mistake. Whether it’s missing a deadline, forgetting an important call — or something entirely different— it can be hard to swallow your pride and admit you’re in the wrong.
What if instead of punishing yourself, replaying the situation like a broken record in your head or doing/saying something you might regret - you used this as an opportunity for growth and and occasion to make the situation better for everyone involved?
Humility not only releases you from the negative thought pattern, it also connects you deeper to the person or people who were on the receiving end of the error. When you can admit that you are not perfect (newsflash - no in is) it allows for a level of vulnerability in a relationship that otherwise may have not been there.
The resistance behind the ability to forgive yourself, apologize, and move on is really just our ego — and often the more it gets in the way, the more we separate ourselves from other people.
So whether it’s in business, your relationship with yourself, or your loved ones, here are my top tips to help you swallow your pride, apologize, and move on.
1. Watch for signs of ego
We love the feeling of being right. But what does being right really do for you? It creates more separation between you and the person who is wrong. Instead, see if you could put yourself in the other person’s shoes and see their perspective. At a foundational level we all want to be seen and loved, so remember that when looking for a resolution.
Meditating allows you to quiet all of the noise. When in a challenging situation there are 3 levels, what happened, your emotions as well as what is at stake for you. Getting quiet allows you to access your intuition and see yourself more clearly. From this place you can be guided towards a clearer action plan.
3. Let go of the BS
Let go of the feelings and thoughts that are weighing you down. That includes resentment, taking things personally, and being harsh with yourself. Remind yourself that when you swallow your pride, you can make more space in your life for positive emotions to take over.
This time of year is an interesting one. It can be filled with excitement and glee as you gear up for the holiday season or it can be filled with dread and deep feelings of loneliness.
In North America, we just turned back the clocks giving us an extra hour of darkness and as the weather turns colder, more time inside.
It is the start of winter, the introspective season, a time where we have to face what is underneath the surface as opposed to running from it. Some of us may want to ‘throw in the proverbial towel’ and put things on cruise control until the end of the year while others may kick it up into high gear to reach those end of year goals.
So, where do you fall on that spectrum? Far to the left or right or somewhere in the middle? Wherever you are know that it is OK and I am here to support you in ending the year with a bang.
Are you still stuck in that job you hate? Dreaming of living in another city or looking for your soulmate? You don’t have to wait until 2020 to do that. You can start now and here is how.
1. Reflect on everything that you HAVE achieved up until this point
Our minds have a funny way of focusing on what didn’t go well, what we haven’t yet achieved or what didn’t go according to plan. However, there is A LOT that you have achieved so shift your focus there. Write out a list of all the things you are proud of that happened in 2019. Continue daily until the end of the year. This will surely help you see your value and motivate you for what is next.
2. Skim the fat
Often when we want to get a lot of things done in a short amount of time it can feel really overwhelming so we actually don’t do anything at all, leaving us more frustrated than when we started. Cut down on what you would like to achieve before the end of the year and focus on the ONE thing that is the most important to you, within the given time frame. You can add things to that list for the new year but for now, use the time that you have wisely.
3. Get support
You know that saying 2 heads are better than one? Well that’s because it is the truth. When working towards a goal it is always best to enrol other people in your vision because they can likely help. People are altruistic by nature - meaning that they want to help so if you share what you are working towards that may have resources that will get you closer to your goal.
4. Work with a coach
Working with a coach is a fast track way to reaching your goals and creating an important shift in your life. The reason for this is because your coach will recognize patterns and blind spots that you are not able to see and will hold you accountable in shifting them. The strong support system will propel you into seeing yourself in a different light, gaining momentum and changing patterns of behaviour that have previously gotten in your way.
Let me help!
Once a year I discount my one-on-one coaching program and the time is NOW! If you want to create a major shift by the end of the year sign up for a FREE intro call to hear more about it.
This is a $1000 discount! See what people who have worked with me are saying.
We all have that one friend that always replies to “how are you” with “soo busy” or “things are just so busy right now!” (or maybe we are that person ourselves). Admittedly, I’ve been there. As an entrepreneur, there have been so many times when I felt like as long as I had X number of clients then “I truly made it”. Which in hindsight, doesn’t make any sense.
I would cram my schedule with work, projects, meetings, events and so much more without taking the time to reflect on my accomplishments or even celebrate my wins. I was just “too busy” to make any time to slow down.
The truth is, I’m not alone. Being “busy” has become a badge of honor in our modern day lives. It makes us feel important, accomplished, on the ball — all the things we want to share with others. But it’s also exhausting to occupy yourself with being busy, especially if you are busy with the wrong things. If you are busy with negative thoughts, acting in a way you think you “should” or doing something you despise, this business will block you from being the best version of yourself and truly being productive and efficient with your time.
Being busy is not inherently a bad thing if we're busy with things that are most important to us and support or well being. But being busy without real time to rest and reflect only leads to burnout and exhaustion. Here are three tips to help you get out of the “busy” trap and find more enjoyment and fulfillment in your life.
Top 3 Ways to Stop Being So “Busy”
1. Reexamine your to-do list
I love a good to-do list to keep me on track to hit all of my goals. But one trick I use with clients is to dive into the “why” behind each item on your list. Before you add it to your to-do-list, ask yourself is it necessary? Does it get me closer to my goal? Do I actually enjoy this?
This will help you recognize the important tasks from the not so important tasks and make sure you’re focusing your time/effort on items that are 100% necessary and in alignment.
2. Set up a solid morning routine
You must find 10 minutes for yourself each morning. It’s an important foundational element to start your day off right. Whether it’s journalling, a gratitude list, a meditation, or just taking some time to mindfully sip your coffee, this time with yourself should be non-negotiable and can really put you in the right headspace for the rest of your day.
3. Don’t be afraid to ask for help
So often we take on way too much and become exhausted and ineffective. You can shift the pattern by examining areas in your life where you can ask for help.
Whether its business, love, fitness, etc. where you could use some help? A great coach can help bring out the best in you and take things to the next level. This could be the greatest gift you give to yourself to help you supercharge your progress.
Remember, being busy is not a badge of honor and you can escape the trap of missing out on life and becoming the greatest version of yourself. I’m cheering for you!
Samara Zelniker is a yogi, wine drinker, pet lover and travel junkie.