To the boy who didn’t message me back.
So lately I have been thinking, to what and whom do I give my power away to and why?
Is it to the boy who didn’t message me back?
The thousands of people I follow on Instagram?
The number of likes I get on a photo?
The number in my bank account?
Yes, I am guilty of giving a little bit of power away to all of these things.
So I decided to take a moment to stop and think about what I’m doing and ask myself why.
I realized that I do this, simply because I always have. I do this because society told me I was supposed to look a certain way, dress a certain way, be in a committed relationship by a certain age and make a certain amount of money.
Well, I’m calling bullshit on you society, because your rules don’t make me feel so good.
And guess what? I have never been a rule follower anyways: in fact, I f*$%ing HATE rules!
We all posses a finite amount of power, meaning it is a limited resource. If we give it away to the wrong people, it can be easily depleted. If we give it to the right people, it can grow exponentially. We all have the power to make that choice for ourselves.
I can choose to use my power for good, like Glenda the Good Witch, or for evil, like The Wicked Witch of the East (Wizard of Oz, anyone?). I get to decide if I want to give my power away to people and things who don’t deserve it (like that aforementioned boy), or if I want to protect it and give it out mindfully and watch it grow exponentially.
I choose the former.
Ok ok, we all know that if we want to change a result then we have to change our action. Here are a couple of tips I use to remember how powerful I really am.
Monitor your screen time
Tell yourself that you have specific times that you can go online throughout the day.
Creating a structure around social media time will help you honour the limits you set. If you need a little extra help doing this, you can use an app like Sense that will help you set daily limits and notify you when you go over.
Unfollow people who make you feel bad
Only follow people who make you feel good and unfollow the people who make you feel bad (even if they are your friends). It is that simple. If someone calls you out or asks you why you unfollowed them you can let them know that you are doing a digital cleanse and it is not personal.
Make a point to connect with people that you love in person. In person connection increases trust and the feeling of belonging. Physical touch causes the centers of the brain associated with reward to activate which help us build stronger relationships. So when that boy doesn’t text you back (or me), it doesn’t matter because you are surrounded by people who you love and trust.
How do you measure success?
Is it by the number in your bank account, the awards or accolades you have received, the size of your house or the type of car you drive?
These things can be viewed as the ‘standard’ trappings of success, but what does having all of that do for you, really?
Does it make you feel more fulfilled, loved and connected? Does it bring you happiness?
In most instances, the answer to this question is no.
5 years ago, I looked like I had it all. I was working for a family business in fashion, being groomed to take over the company and had a coveted job. I got to travel to exotic places and attend fancy dinners and trade shows. I even got a clothing allowance.
People would tell me all the time how lucky I was, how great I was at what I was doing and what an incredible opportunity I had laid out in front of me.
There was one problem: I was completely miserable.
Instead of listening to my heart, I stayed stuck in what I thought I ‘should’ be doing, on what the outside world deemed as ‘successful.' This inevitably ended up making me sick. I got strep throat 3 times in one year, and if that wasn’t enough of a wakeup call, I broke my foot boarding a flight home from a sales meeting in Brazil.
The reason I am telling you this, is because if you are stuck in something that doesn’t feel quite right to you, you're not alone. Although it may be something that other people want, that does not mean it has to be what you want.
Here is the good news: you can change it! Life is too long to stay stuck doing something daily that you don’t love. Yes, change can be scary but it is ALWAYS worth it in the end.
Today, I measure success by the impact I am making on the world, time spent with friends and family and being in nature. This feels a lot more aligned with my belief system but it took some deprograming to get there.
So, how do you measure success?
If you know you want to make a change but you don’t know where to start (which is totally normal) - apply for a clarity call with me to get you on the right track.
Imagine what your life will look like in a year from now, if you start to make a small change today.
Are you on the right path? Here's how to find out.
So I recently came back from a trip to NYC to visit friends, and it got me thinking.
Am I where I am supposed to be?
Were the choices that I made the right ones?
Does life really work out the way you think it will?
And the truth is, I don’t really have the answers. I had dinner with a bunch of old friends, and as I heard them speak about their lives, the ups and the downs, the wins and the losses, I was touched to be surrounded by friends who echoed my same concern - are we doing this thing called life right?
And what does doing life ‘right’ even mean?
As I looked around the table, I realized that we were all in different places in our lives. Some friends were single, some married, others with kids. Some in jobs they love and building businesses, others unemployed, some just working to pay the bills. In general, we all had some levels of happiness in some areas, and in other areas were still trying to figure it out.
And as I near another trip around the sun, (I turn 33 on Sunday) I start to get more and more used to the idea of impermanence. The idea that nothing is forever, and that the only thing constant in our lives is change. So, the more present we can be with that which is right in front of us - the happier our existence will be.
As a wellness expert, I have the privilege of coaching clients on a daily basis, and have been able to gain a lot of insight into how the mind works. This ‘fly on the wall’ perspective has led me to draw many conclusions about our thoughts, emotions and how we generally operate, helping me to understand how to optimize everyday life and heal our wounds.
The main conclusion that I reached is that we are a lot more similar than we are different. We all have dreams and hopes. We all compare ourselves to others at times. We all suffer. We all thrive.
So as you flow through life and ask yourself the question, am I doing this right? If you follow the list below, the answer is yes.
Be gentle with yourself. - remember yourself as a child. The innocence, the rawness, the vulnerability. How would you treat him or her? Certainly with kindness. So why are you being so hard on yourself? Next time you trip up remember your young face because it is still inside of you.
This too shall pass. - remember that life is about ebbs and flows, ups and downs, triumphs and sorrows. We can’t have the good without the bad, so learn to embrace the tough times too. There is always something to learn.
Set an intention - a great way to know whether or not you are on the right path is to set an intention. This will help you create a roadmap for where you want to go, and you can continually check in with yourself. My girlfriends and I like to do this every new moon (every month) and write it in down in journals. This way we are able to check on where we followed through, and what we still need to put some work towards.
Samara Zelniker is a yogi, wine drinker, pet lover and travel junkie.