Happy Monday, we hope your last 2 weeks have been great. They have been super busy here with Samara's move and juggling a bunch of projects, but it's all good. Today, for our #MindfulnessMonday we want to talk about our role in how we let others treat us.
Can any of us think of a friend who always cancels or blows us off or is just all around flaky all the time? You know that friend who you have plans with, but you are never confident that those plans will actually materialize until they actually do? Does that bug you? If it doesn't then, great, your relationship is working just fine. But, if it does, have you ever said anything? Have you ever told him/her how it makes you feel when they act like that? If the answer is no, a) you're not alone, but b) you have to take some accountability in this situation because ultimately this friend is treating you in a way that you allow them to.
We all do this. We all accept other people's behaviour as their own, but when it's in relation to us, we have some responsibility in it too. As little kids we know this. We know that we can get away with certain things with our dads, that we would never even try to pull with our moms. Why? Because we know, mom would never stand for it. Often, parents make it very clear to children what is and what is not acceptable behaviour. We are expected to follow these rules as kids, but then as adults we forget to set these same rules for ourselves and our social and intimate interactions.
So, before we can turn the table on someone else and say, "you should treat me better. you should be more considerate of my feelings", maybe we have to look at ourselves and think, "what do I want out of this relationship? What is my standard for healthy interaction with different people?" And once we have those answers, we need to put it into action. We need to talk to our friends or partners and say, "this is OK for me, this is not. This is what I need from you. This is what I will tolerate, this is what I will not". Only once we have taken accountability for how people treat us can we begin to really understand our relationships and assess whether they are positive or negative forces in our lives.
We know this can sound like a scary thing to do, but it's important to look inward and understand our needs. Only then can we start to fulfill those of others in a healthy way.
Have an amazing week everyone. Be kind and honest with yourselves.
Samara Zelniker is a yogi, wine drinker, pet lover and travel junkie.