If you are looking for love, validation, anything really - you HAVE to find it in yourself first. You become a mirror for what you attract. Looking for love? You have to love yourself first so frickin much that you emit that feeling wherever you go. It will become a contagious energy and others won't help but notice!
The same goes for confidence, trust, or any other redeeming quality you are looking for. The rule applies to negative feelings too. If you have a lot of conflict, miscommunication, or distrust happening in your life right now you better be sure to look within yourself first to ask why this may be happening. Yes, the people around you do play a role, but you also must take accountability for your actions and take responsibility for the life you want to live.
When I was looking for love, and realized I wasn't finding what I wanted by repeating the same patterns, I decided to do something different. I decided to take radical responsibility for what was happening (or wasn't happening in my life). I realized that in all the places that I was looking for love and not having it work out, the one common denominator was ME.
What, now?! Yes you heard me. I wasn't getting the result I wanted so I decided to get out of my own way, because after all, the relationship you have with yourself is the longest one you'll have in this life time. So I hired a coach, did some deep personal growth work and decided to let go of conditioning that I had adopted that wasn't getting me what I wanted. It was NOT easy, but it was so worth it! I had to face my shortcomings and work through them so I could find the romantic love I was looking for. And guess what...I did! And I've never been happier in my relationship with my man and the relationship I have with myself. I became my own best friend and this tool along with these are a great starting point to giving yourself the big love that you deserve.
Tools for loving yourself
1. 50 things: Get out your journal and write 50 things that you love about yourself and be don't forget to be specific about WHY you love your long eyelashes, or that you're great at leading meetings or can cook or have an amazing laugh. My bet is that once you get rolling, you'll find 50 MORE things than you thought. Pump yourself up because YOU are incredible.
2. Write yourself a love letter: Everyone loves a hand written note so now is your chance to write yourself one! Get cozy and write from the heart. You can also do this exercise and write from the perspective of someone who loves you.. sister, mother, father, best friend... and write what you think they would write in a love letter to you. Chances are you already know what they would say and how awesome is it that it will come from within you first. Once the letter is written, keep it on hand to read on those down days when you need a little pick me up.
3. Say 'I Love You': Each day, and for most of us, several times a day when you are brushing your teeth, look at yourself in the mirror when you're doing this say I Love You to yourself. Bonus points if you can do it through the tooth paste ;) Silently in your head has the same affect too.
4: Become your own best friend: Best friend don't put each other down, they lift each other up. Become your own best friend by talking to yourself how you would your bestie, treating yourself to that mani/pedi or delicious baked good or new pair of shoes when called, and don't forget to spend quality time with yourself just like a would a friend.
Samara Zelniker is a yogi, wine drinker, pet lover and travel junkie.